“The greatest science in the world;
in heaven and on earth; is love.”― Mother Teresa
“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration." – Nikola Tesla
THE PRE-NATAL & PRE-PARENT PHASE
Parenthood is a totally transformative experience. Physically, emotionally and spiritually we undergo incredible and profound alterations. All that we know about ourselves is ripped away, whether we like it or not, and completely rebuilt. Especially for mothers, the transformation that occurs is total; there is no going back from this life-altering journey… Into the void of unknowingness we traverse, and out the other end we come…. a newborn ourselves! ..Newborn into parenthood.
Because we are changed so profoundly by the parenting journey, it is so important to think about this passage of life further… to examine it, and nut it out, and turn it around and look all over it. It is time for us again to understand this whole act of creation through spiritual eyes, in spiritual terms. Bearing this in mind we begin to unravel what it means to create a child.
Acknowledging the transformation that will occur once you begin on the journey of parenthood is actually the first step in your journey. Embracing change as you traverse this next stage in your development will allow you to open to receive the energy of a new child, and to bring it into your world. The change from young adult to adult, or to ‘pre-parent’ is one worth noting. Arrangements both psychological and physical must be made. Emotional relational issues with our own parents must be gently faced and acknowledged; the solidification of our commitment to our partner must be reiterated.
A wise man said to me during my own pre-parenting phase: “You must commit to the commitment.” He meant committing to the commitment of husband and family. This really resonated with me because at this special time new cards are on the table. In the situation of a couple you have two distinct entities, Yourself and The Couple, but when you create a family you create two more entities – The Child and The Family that now includes Children. You are stepping up the complexity of your relationship and enhancing and deepening it, and during this transformative time imbuing your partner with love, honesty, total confidence and complete trust is most beneficial. The impact these compassionate actions have cannot be overstated… utter confidence and support is the juice that keeps the river of relationship flowing gently and gracefully along.
Relationships with our parents take on a different hue too, during this time. We must face any unresolved feelings about our worth or treatment as a child under our own parents’ stewardship, for at some point they will rear their head regardless if we have approached them consciously or unconsciously. Counselling is often required if the situation with our parents was a complex one. Especially for people who have suffered the loss of their own parents in some form, it is advisable to seek a therapist before your journey has begun, so you are equipped with tools to deal with the emotions that will transpire. If you are one of the people whose relationship with your parents had or has issues, please listen carefully to these words... It’s an inevitability that you will need to translate and untangle your own parental concerns as you become a parent. It is far better to do this consciously and with tools from a qualified therapist than without… Do yourself and your partner a favor, and approach it in a gentle way with professional help, so that less issues are passed on to your own gorgeous children.
I just want to emphasize this point because one of the most shocking things you encounter as you become a parent is how frequently you do the same things your own parents did. Most of those things will be lovely and useful for your child. But some most definitely will not. Personally, I was not prepared for how frustrating I found first time parenthood; in fact I remember a girlfriend of mine said to me about her own experience “I don’t think I’ve ever gritted my teeth so much!” and it had so much resonance for me because I’d been doing the same thing for the past year! I now know it was a gritted-teeth-of-sheer-frustration face, but a little child in its innocence can only see the emotion of anger. I remember it terrified me as a child when my Dad used to do it… and now here I was doing the same thing! Although there is a lot I’m proud of about the way I’ve looked after my kids this particular frustration issue of mine could have been handled a lot better. [And I’m still working on it, truth be told]
The next time I realized I was doing it I asked my little boy if that face scared him, and he said ‘yes’… So I pulled him onto my lap and explained how I was feeling inside. I told him how hard it is to be a parent and how sometimes I’m just too tired to play the same game over and over. Although your child won’t understand the complexities of what you’re relating, they will understand the emotion of reconciliation behind it. They will feel your emotions change and they will feel your love as you speak to them sympathetically. The energy your child receives behind this is so important, and that’s why acknowledging your own negative emotions at times really matters.
During this time of pre-parenting we also begin to see our parents in a new light. The transformation that occurs here is our own perspective due to new knowledge gained. Before our first baby is born, we might think of our parents as either meddling and overbearing, aloof and uninvolved, or anything in-between! It is only after the first few months of our first child’s life that we come to realize all that was done for us during our own internship as a baby… the sleepless nights, the nappy changes, the feeding, the cuddling, the sheer amount of it is astonishing! A very deep and profound gratitude is felt for all the hard work we were completely unaware of up until this point. The transformation has occurred! Finally our kids know what a pain in the ass they have been all this time! Ha ha. If only we could have this knowledge before the birth of our first child! But alas, it is not the case. We can only read these words and hope for some understanding towards our parents with the knowledge that our views towards them will change with our own voyage into their role.
Baking A Baby
by Emma Bellamy